Never, Never, Never Give Up!

Look, Winston, I'm trying. But I want to throw my hands up in the air, not to wave them like I just don't care, but in exasperation. I want to give up. Wouldn't it be easier to say, I tried and failed? I got pretty far with my book, but no thanks, I'm done.

 

I got my book back from my editor a few weeks ago, and I can barely stand to look at it. I open up the document, stare at it for a few minutes, and then close it. I often eat a piece of cake and take a bath afterwards. It all seems like too much effort on a lost hope. The editor did a wonderful job, but it's just shown me how much my book needs, and it makes me sad.

 

I am not a good writer. I am a good story-maker-upper. I can come up with great plots, with twists and turns, but I struggle with wringing emotions out of written words. I'm a very pragmatic person and think everyone else is, too.

 

I love dialog. Love it so much that I wish it was all I could write. I'm horrible at giving books a sense of place. I think all I need to say is, "located in the woods", and that's enough. That's the kind of reader I am. I skip over the scenery detail because I like to come up with my own image of the world. But I'm working on all this.

 

Writing is hard. It's scary.  It constantly tells me I'm not good enough. Maybe I'm a sadist. I like challenges. I like bleeding over my laptop and rewriting and editing. But then I want to cry and chuck the whole thing into a blender full of margarita mix.

 

 

But then I look at RDJ. I don't want to make Iron Man sad. He doesn't want me to quit. Be it tenacity or stupidity, I refuse to give up! I'm one of those horribly untalented, tone deaf buffoons who try out for America Idol year after year, only to humiliate themselves over and over. Maybe some sympathetic publishing company will give me a book deal because they feel so bad for me. Keep hope alive, right? Keep on keeping on.

I must remember that the things I really want won't come easy. Struggling is part of the process. The struggle makes me grateful I have what I have. It teaches humility and grace. But holy moly. Can't something come easy for once? Can't someone just hand me what I want. Nope. I sound ungrateful, don't I? I have been blessed and blessed and blessed, but it's also been hard, hard, hard. I'm ready for life to settle and be as peaceful as it can be.

So whatever your dream, don't give it up, and don't stop believing that you can have everything your little heart desires.