That One Time I Had Boyfriend

Did you know that there is a break-up station on Pandora? Did you know that if you eat a cake by yourself while also drinking Coke that you might barf? Did you know that you over-analyze everything at 3 in the morning? Did you know that no matter how hard you stare at your cell phone that you can't will a text message into existence? Did you know that breaking up is hard to do?

I've been trying to figure out how and when to write about this, but I've decided to put my balls (boobs) to the wall and just go for it. And just as a disclaimer, I'm okay now. I'm over it. Mostly.

Yes, I had a boyfriend. And no, I will not give you details of the who, why, where, or when, but I had one. I know I share the crap out of my life, but I kept him private and all to myself. Well, some of my close friends and family members knew about him or even met him, but I didn't want to talk about him on the blog or even on Facebook because I was afraid I would jinx things. About a month ago, (I guess this gives away the timeline a little) I finally remembered to update my relationship status. It would have been fine, but I accidently allowed the world to see it for a few minutes when I meant to keep it private. I guess I did jinx it because it's over now.

I knew from the beginning that it wouldn't work. We wanted different things out of life, we were too far apart in age, we had opposite views on religion and love and The Family Guy. We were wrong from the beginning, but I am an expert at ignoring the wrongness and hoping it'll work. I am an expert at attracting the wrong guy.

The ending of it sucked, but the beginning and the middle were fantastic. Something stupid romance novels are written about. I was terrified to be in a relationship again, but I'm so glad I did it. He was cute and hilarious. He was a wonderful kisser. He took me to nice places. He made me smile and feel important. He allowed me to have opinions and to swear and be the pervert I am deep down. He simply allowed me to be myself.  

See. You don't need to be afraid that if you date me I'll bash you on my blog. I tell the straight up truth. If you're a cool person, you will be portrayed as such. He was a cool person. He still is. We just weren't right for each other and that's okay.

It wasn't all the serious, but it still hurt because it mattered more to me than I thought. He mattered to me and I mattered to him, and I will miss it. Having someone to talk to late at night, having someone to hold my hand, having someone kiss me goodnight. It might have been wrong and doomed from the start, but the middle made it all worth it.

But because of this ex-boyfriend, I have gotten my groove back. He helped me remember that I am awesome and amazing. He helped me find my confidence again, something that had been stolen by my ex-husband. He made me remember that relationships can be good and fun and two-sided. So thank you, Ex-Boyfriend. You know who you are. Thank you for making my life a little brighter. Thank you for being you and for prepping me to date Tom Hiddleston or Zac Efron. I'm sorry it ended, but I'm not sorry that it happened.