Relationship Status

My relationship status is still nonexistent and will be for awhile, but I have thought about dating. I don't know how to feel about it. My Friday nights consist of superhero movies, pizza, and turning in early, and I'm fine with that. But the boys go to bed and I'm left to date Netflix.

The population of single, LDS guys my age is about -4, so my chances of finding someone are negative nil. A part of me is okay with this. I have loads of stuff going on in my life: preparing to teach summer school, taking care of the boys, running a marathon, looking for a fulltime teaching position, editing my novel, and being a badass. And what's the point of dating anyway? It's not like anyone will want me.

Have you ever seen Practical Magic? It's one of the rare romantic movies I love. Sandra Bullock is a witch, and the women in her family are cursed to never find love. So she creates a spell, where she will only fall in love with an impossibly perfect man.

Young Sally: I'm summoning up a true love spell called amas veritas. He can flip pancakes in the air, he will be marvellously kind, and his favorite shape will be a star. And he'll have one green eye, one blue.

Young Gilly: I thought you never wanted to fall in love.

Young Sally: That's the point. The guy I dreamed up doesn't exist, and if he doesn't exist, I'll never die of a broken heart.

 

Here's my spell:

He will be a well educated lumberjack with a beard. He will wear flannel shirts, faded jeans, and boots, but also look stunning in a suit. He will be a Mormon. He will have an extensive knowledge of superheroes. He will love to swim at the beach and build sandcastles. He will be willing to fight a tiger for me, but will also be kind. He will have read a book within the last year. He will like children. He will own or have owned a truck. He will like county music. He will fish and own a rifle. He will be over 5'8. He will have less clothes than I do, and take ten minutes to get ready. He will have blue/green eyes. He will be handy with tools and fixing things. He will love me beyond reason.

He doesn't exist, so I will never die of a broken heart.

We Are Made Up of Beginningings, Not Endings. Or Why I Ate All Those Donuts.

Do you ever have days when you sit around and eat your feelings? Do ever eat so many feeling donuts that you throw up? This is what happened to me yesterday, and it made me oddly reflective.

Why did I eat so many donuts? They were delicious, and yes, maybe because I was a little sad. I've had so many endings in my life lately that I'm trying to fill in the holes. Donuts don't do the trick, though.

So I decided to read some talks from General Conference. I missed the whole thing last weekend. That's the kind of Mormon I am. I prefer reading the talks over listening to them. I love the general authorizes of the Church, but they make me sleepy. I can't make it through two talks before I pass out. It's not because they are boring, but because I'm so tired and tend to fall asleep if I sit still for more than ten minutes at a time.

President Uchtdorf is my spirit animal. I always read his talks first, and this time, he didn't disappoint. He spoke right to me. "In light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings. Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity."

 

 

While a lot of things in my life have ended, a lot more are just beginning. I'm working outside of the home for the first time in almost eight years. Teaching is fulfilling. Teenagers make me happy. They remind me of promise and hope and endless possibilities. I am also starting a new life, a better and happier one. I am on my own for the first time, too. It's scary and liberating at the same time. It's me and my boys against the world, and I can't think of better companions.

 

Today I will go running and eat a salad. Those donuts are gone. I have more hope. I got some wonderful news yesterday, which I will share with everyone later. I will not let things get me down. I will not eat four donuts in one day. Instead, I will look at life like it's a donut, never ending, covered in sprinkles, and delicious. Don't think about how fattening and troublesome it can sometimes be. Concentrate on the yumminess.

Hot For Teacher

Sorry I've been MIA lately. Life got busy, which is a good thing. I've glimpsed into my future of working and mothering fulltime. I'm already tired, but I wouldn't change a thing. I get to raise these boys and provide for them. I'm grateful I have the means to do it. I have my mother to thank for the fact that I have a degree. There was a time when I didn't want to bother with graduating. I was married with children and planned on always being a stay-at-home mom, but my mother wouldn't let that happen. She reminded me that life changes and I might need that BA. Boy was she right. Always listen to your mother. Always.

While I still plan to get published, I also realize that there isn't a lot of money in being an author. I still need a "real" job. Since I moved back to Florida, I have had the privilege to substitute for the private school I attended from kindergarten to graduation. When people grumble and talk about how unpleasant their high school life was, it's a foreign concept to me. I love this school. The teachers are kind, the students polite and driven, and the campus beautiful. While I enjoy subbing, my real dream is to teach junior high or high school English there, and if not at St. Johns, another private school. I thankfully have three times the amount of required English credits to teach. Then over the next year, I'll get my Florida teaching certificate. Soon I will be able to teach to the pubescent  masses.

 

I remember the moment in 9th grade English when I fell in love with the tragic story, Tess of the D'Ubervilles. I remember Mr. Shad praising a poem I wrote. He was the first person I tell me I had promise as a writer. I remember reading Shakespeare and understanding it. That's what I want to do with my life. I used to feel guilty for wanting to be more than a mother. I've always desired a career of my own, so hopefully next year, or the year after, I'll be a fulltime English teacher. I will make Mr. Shad proud.