My relationship status is still nonexistent and will be for awhile, but I have thought about dating. I don't know how to feel about it. My Friday nights consist of superhero movies, pizza, and turning in early, and I'm fine with that. But the boys go to bed and I'm left to date Netflix.
The population of single, LDS guys my age is about -4, so my chances of finding someone are negative nil. A part of me is okay with this. I have loads of stuff going on in my life: preparing to teach summer school, taking care of the boys, running a marathon, looking for a fulltime teaching position, editing my novel, and being a badass. And what's the point of dating anyway? It's not like anyone will want me.
Have you ever seen Practical Magic? It's one of the rare romantic movies I love. Sandra Bullock is a witch, and the women in her family are cursed to never find love. So she creates a spell, where she will only fall in love with an impossibly perfect man.
Young Sally: I'm summoning up a true love spell called amas veritas. He can flip pancakes in the air, he will be marvellously kind, and his favorite shape will be a star. And he'll have one green eye, one blue.Young Gilly: I thought you never wanted to fall in love.Young Sally: That's the point. The guy I dreamed up doesn't exist, and if he doesn't exist, I'll never die of a broken heart. Here's my spell:
He will be a well educated lumberjack with a beard. He will wear flannel shirts, faded jeans, and boots, but also look stunning in a suit. He will be a Mormon. He will have an extensive knowledge of superheroes. He will love to swim at the beach and build sandcastles. He will be willing to fight a tiger for me, but will also be kind. He will have read a book within the last year. He will like children. He will own or have owned a truck. He will like county music. He will fish and own a rifle. He will be over 5'8. He will have less clothes than I do, and take ten minutes to get ready. He will have blue/green eyes. He will be handy with tools and fixing things. He will love me beyond reason.
He doesn't exist, so I will never die of a broken heart.
I love Practical Magic, so this seems like a solid plan to me. (I think I'm at a grand total of three now for romantic movies I actually like) Plus, if this doesn't work you can always start looking for a misunderstood zombie who just wants to protect you. That seems like a good plan b to me. In the meantime, you have to admit Netflix makes a pretty awesome boyfriend. :)
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