Y'all, life has been up and down over the last two years, often sideways, but never quite right. Then, this last weekend, it righted itself, and I'm so gloriously happy. Remember not that long ago when I was hating on my body, how I felt like nothing, how I was letting myself be sucked back into the self-loathing created by an abuser? Something within me snapped, and instead of losing my shit, I got my shit together.
My ex hasn't paid child support in a year, and refuses to get a job (because he knows that if he does, he will have to pay), so I filed a child support claim against him. That was months ago, and I warned him it would happen, but he didn't believe me. He said that he was too depressed to work. The son of a bitch hasn't had a job in over two years. Guess what, I get sad, too, but I get up every morning and I go to work. Because I'm an adult. I also had never worked outside the home when I left him. I didn't know what I could do for income. I didn't know how to even get a job anymore. But I figured it out. I have an amazing career now, not because I sat around and felt sorry for myself, but because I went out and earned my job that pays for private school, bills, food and clothing. I have a savings account. I have a car. I have an apartment. Because I'm an adult.
Now he's blowing up my phone, begging me to drop the child support case because he's about to lose his license and go to jail. All he has to do is starting giving his children money to help better their lives. But it's not about him. It's about me being an awful person because I believe he should help support his children. He doesn't see them or talk to them (all his choice), so the least he could do is help pay their tuition or for Seth's medications. No. He's trying to belittle and guilt me into letting him off the hook for abandoning his children both emotionally and financially. He once had me so conditioned that I did whatever he said without question. This is still my initial reaction to him, to do whatever he says. He stole my voice from me. He wore me down to nothing, but I have rebuilt myself, and I'll be damned before I let him or anyone tear me down again. He can't control me anymore and it's the most beautiful thing.
And let's get back to the topic of self-love. I am fantastic, beautiful, and smart. A badass bitch who always gets the job done. I also have a pretty amazing body, and recently have been reminded of this. It's refreshing and liberating to have someone else tell you that you are in fact a woman and sexy as hell. Message me for more details. That's all I can say on that matter without making you all blush. There are also other, more personal things that have put a spring in my step, but that's my lovely little secret.
So thank you, Karma, or God, or the stars. It took you long enough, but thank you. I have been fighting and fighting and fighting and I'm suddenly winning.
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