I have always been a free bird and like it that way. I'm an incredible person. I have a body that won't quit and breasts that men only dream exist. I'm beautiful inside and out. I'm funny, kind, thoughtful, and smart. I've been through a lot and always come out on the other side in good humor. I have never needed a man to be a complete person. Sure I like a companion, and this is. . . because I really, really enjoy (Keep it clean, Lauren) . . . giving and receiving back rubs. I want to be mad at myself or sad that it's over, but I'm not. I did the breaking up. I have always preferred to be single. No one is better company than me, myself, and I. I have a full, happy life. I have an abundance of friends, a beautiful family surrounding me, and two incredible children that I am extremely proud of. I have a career I love and a school that is a family for me and my children.
So what happened? I thought you were in lllooovvveee. I was. He treated me and my kids well. We had fun together, but there was always something holding me back a little. I kept one foot on the floor. I've written about my trusty gut before. She never lets me down. Sometimes I ignore her, but she is annoyingly always right. When I was staying with him during Christmas Break, I felt a shift in the tectonic plates of the relationship. Things weren't adding up, red flags, they were flying, smacking me right in the face. I'll keep the details to myself, but something happened, and in an instant, my feelings changed. I was woke and couldn't go back to sleep. That surprised me. How can I turn it off so quickly? Am I a robot? Am I bitter? Nope. I am smart.
So this weekend, I will eat a lot of what I call Feeling French Fries, drink a few bottles of wine, and sing loudly along with Beyonce's Lemonade. Middle fingers up, hands high. Point 'em in his face. Tell him boy, bye! I honestly feel bad for him because he lost the best thing he's ever had. But I don't feel bad for myself. I dodge the proverbial bullet. I made it out alive. I always will. I ain't sorry.
The night my heart checked out of it, I had a dream, a very vivid dream that I couldn't deny. I saw what was going to happen if I stayed. He isn't the man for me. I felt it. I saw the someone else. I also had dreams like this before I discovered my ex-husband's infidelities. My gut was talking to me while I slept. I believe in dreams. But I did stick around for a little while longer. Just to make sure, to give my gut some time to really kick me in the butt. I wanted it to work. I wanted to be okay, but my guts were tied in knots and wouldn't let me rest. Please always listen to your gut. Do it for me. Do it for yourself.
