Hi! It's the second week in Feb. and I'm just now posting this. :)
My all-time favorite Christmas song, actually has nothing to do with Christmas, but instead, is about the New Year. It's a Dan Fogelberg song about running into an old lover in the grocery store. Don't @me. It's a great song about looking at the past and how "doing the right thing" or what was expected, doesn't lead to happiness. And, oh, boy, I feel that in my bones. But it has me thinking more about the real Auld Lang Syne song. So New Year's is my jam. Auld Lang Syne literally means looking back on days gone by. As another year draws to a close, I've started to recall the last twelve months. So what have I done? I turned 38. I ate too much cheese and laughed a lot. Cried too. I discovered a huge, life-altering deception. I learned to forgive when I was still angry. I saw that even parents are flawed and can lie to you your entire life, and yet you still love them. Realized what it really meant to care about someone who didn't give 5% of that back. I saw how someone treated me in a time a family crisis and emotional turmoil, and it taught we to walk away from something toxic and hurtful, even when I didn't want to. But getting out of that lead me straight to some sunshine. I found love and have built a family. 2018 started out rocky for me, but it's ending with a bang. I mainly found my center and learned to say no.
My all-time favorite Christmas song, actually has nothing to do with Christmas, but instead, is about the New Year. It's a Dan Fogelberg song about running into an old lover in the grocery store. Don't @me. It's a great song about looking at the past and how "doing the right thing" or what was expected, doesn't lead to happiness. And, oh, boy, I feel that in my bones. But it has me thinking more about the real Auld Lang Syne song. So New Year's is my jam. Auld Lang Syne literally means looking back on days gone by. As another year draws to a close, I've started to recall the last twelve months. So what have I done? I turned 38. I ate too much cheese and laughed a lot. Cried too. I discovered a huge, life-altering deception. I learned to forgive when I was still angry. I saw that even parents are flawed and can lie to you your entire life, and yet you still love them. Realized what it really meant to care about someone who didn't give 5% of that back. I saw how someone treated me in a time a family crisis and emotional turmoil, and it taught we to walk away from something toxic and hurtful, even when I didn't want to. But getting out of that lead me straight to some sunshine. I found love and have built a family. 2018 started out rocky for me, but it's ending with a bang. I mainly found my center and learned to say no.
In the past, I have let people and their attitudes and actions affect me. This year I have learned the beautiful attribute of not giving a fuck about that. And it's been the best thing to ever happen to me. Don't get me wrong, I still care, but I'm not letting other's negative harsh my good vibe. I've always had the ability to find the good in everything. I could prob be cool with the Devil. I could prob even hang with Kayne. (I draw the line at the orange dictator. I'm not a saint.) But in January 2018, I was having a rough go. There was a lot of toxicity in my life and instead of clearing it out, I swam in it. It took me a few more month, and a stranger, who is now a friend, pointing out that if the toxic thing made me so unhappy, why did I allow it in my life?
So why the hell did I? Honestly, I don't know. I'm going to chalk it up to temporary insanity. I'm a happy person by nature and I was beyond miserable. So I looked at everything in my life, all the bad juju and what wasn't working for me, and kicked it to the curb. Work stress. GET OUT! Unhealthy drinking? GET OUT! Pity parties? GET OUT! Dwelling on the negative. GET OUT! Hating my slightly chubby body. GET OUT! Poisonous relationships. GET OUT! Coke. Fine, you can stay. The rest of you, GET OUT!
Things aren't perfect. I'm not completely happy all the time. I still get stressed out and want to run away to France. But the good part is that I don't let any of that consume me now. I feel the feelings. I say a few cuss words. I eat a wheel of brie. I breathe out the bad vibes and breathe in the good. Then I let it go. I forgive and forget and I move on.
And I am so happy now. My house is truly a home. My family is complete. I am at peace.
