I just got rejections for all the editors we sent the book out to. It's over. My dreams aren't coming true. I can't do it anymore. I won't continue to write. It's pointless. Once again I'm not good enough. I've never been. I never will be. I hope you enjoyed that first chapter of the book you got to read because that's all there will be. No more will ever be in print.
I was stupid enough to think that just this once I was going to get what I prayed for. That I would have something of my own, a way to support my children, a career. But I have nothing. Nothing but time wasted and tears shed, and nothing, nothing at all. I have no home, no real job, no income, no traditional family.
They say the Lord won't try you passed your breaking point, well, it's too late. I'm broken. I'm done with it all. I give up. And this news comes less than twenty-four hours after my ex-husband says he won't be paying child support because he can't afford it. What am I supposed to do? The summer is almost here. There is no school during the summer, so no work.
I love you, so I must be completely honest and say that is bullshit. You are way too talented to stop writing because you've gotten knocked down. Yes, the timing sucks, but you wrote an amazing book and somehow it is going to get published. Maybe it won't be as fast as you need it and maybe you will go about it by less conventional means, but it's going to happen. I know several authors who were rejected repeatedly and still made it work. Some of my favorites in fact. As for your nontraditional family, you know that doesn't make it any less beautiful. You are an awesome mom to two crazy, wonderful boys. Who needs traditional?
ReplyDeleteAmen to everything Emily said! Lauren, writing is NOT pointless. You are a writer and you will continue to write whether you get published or not. Because you are a WRITER. It's in you, you can't change that. Don't ever write for someone else. WRITE FOR YOU. And God has a plan for you, my dear. You are hurting right now and everything looks very bleak. But you're a survivor and you are not forgotten. Just breathe and feel the love that surrounds you. ♥
ReplyDeleteYou are so right. It is too much for anyone. How could you not be broken? Seriously? Life is forcing you to completely rely on the Lord 100%. But you will not be broken forever. I promise HF will come through. Sometime not too far off, you'll look back and realize all that was taken from you has been restored in His way. I know you feel like you're free falling, and my gosh it has to be scary but cling to the tiniest bit of faith you can muster. Turn it over to Lord: it's not too much for Him. Pray for His plan for you. It is better than your own plan: I promise. Watch this video: http://youtu.be/rQi4FtsdDew . It helped me so much after YEARS of a crapstorm. This one's good too (and might answer some questions... it did for me): http://youtu.be/yNQC-_srxH8 . You can't do this without the Savior, but you can do it with Him. Have you looked into going back to school?
ReplyDeleteMaybe get your masters so you can edit and continue writing?
ReplyDeletei am so sorry you are hurting right now Lauren, you rightfully entitled to every once of frustration and pain. but this will not last, this may seem like your Dark Night of the Senses where you are overwhelmed by everything and simultaneously feel nothing. i have been there and am sure i will come back to it again. but it passes. it will not feel or be like this continuously. i adore your style of writing, i love your blog and miss seeing even your posts on fb :) know you have the love of a God who will not abandon you, even when it feels so. and you have family and friends to help get you through int he meantime. i love you! (below is perhaps a little inspiration for other writers whom felt the same you are feeling now ;)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.examiner.com/article/30-famous-authors-whose-works-were-rejected-repeatedly-and-sometimes-rudely-by-publishers