I've known this was coming for years. I knew he didn't love me anymore. When someone goes from worshiping the ground you walk on, to picking fights all the time, you know the truth. Starting in 2011, I had vivid dreams of infidelity. I remember finding out, screaming and crying. I'd wake up, and swear it was real.The dreams weren't all. My gut was speaking to me, and it said he was cheating. But my heart wouldn't listen. I should have asked him about it back then, but I was terrified. Scared to know the truth, scared to be alone, scared to be set free.
The papers are signed. It only took almost two months after I filed for divorce, but it's done. I had to start texting the new girlfriend to make sure he showed up to the appointment. She talks to be like we're besties, and it's really weird. She sends me winky and smiley faces and asks me if I like certain movies. WTH? How can you ruin someone's life and just expect them to be cordial to you? Maybe you have to be crazy. . .
It'll take one to five weeks for the judge to sign off on the divorce and for everything to be finalized. Now what? Don't worry, I'm might be single, but I'm not ready to mingle. My ex might have moved on before he even asked for a divorce, but I'm going to enjoy my single life. For much of my marriage, I was told what to wear, what to eat, and what music to listen to. So I'm going to wear brown pants, eat ice cream and Diet Coke for breakfast, and to blare Meatloaf out of my car speakers.
I feel a brightness in my soul again. There is hope and happiness in the horizon. If I can get through this crap, I can get through anything. I am woman, hear me roar! Speaking of roaring, I thought that Katy Perry song was so dumb. Now it's ringing true. Thanks, Katy Perry. I never believed one of your songs would speak to my soul. I have no fear of the unknown now. It excites me, this not knowing.
Now I've got to get back to writing fulltime. I've got to finish book two, the draft for book three, and the outlines for both. The writer's block is crumbling. I've still got some good stories in me yet. I'm working on something new. I'll post a little taste of it in a few days. And I'm also trying my hand at freelance journalism. There's good money in it, and it's something I've always wanted to do. There's nothing like a divorce to make you realize what you're made of, and I'm made of some pretty tough stuff.
the mistress is texting you winky and smiley faces?!?! is there an emoticon that flips the bird? as that would be an appropriate response ;) (and THAT is an appropriate use of a winky face btw). Lauren, you are handling this like such a lady, as i cannot imagine what my reaction to this would be, but i know there would be much profanity involved. you are an inspiration as a friend and what a woman should be: one that respects and loves herself and children enough to venture into the unknown for what she knows is right. God is walking with you throughout this process every second of the day and night and will reward your pain and suffering <3 love you girl, can't wait to see what wonderful blessings continue to come your way! xoxox
ReplyDeleteUgh. I didn't know Marcus went as far as to tell you what to wear and eat too. The douche points just keep piling up...
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah. I couldn't do much without hearing about how wrong I was. I eventually just did what he wanted because I didn't want to get lectured. Or I hid Diet Cokes in the linen closet and drank them while he was at work.
ReplyDelete